


'Not Normal'

by Lilnerd3696



Series: The fft verse [2]
Category: Criminal Minds, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Teen Wolf (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Apparantly tags can be too long, Cause the pillow fort thing, Cause they are, Family Secrets, I will basically add fics whenever I feel like it, Lets play 'guess how these people are related', Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Please Kill Me, Possible abuse of italics, SO, Secret family, Surprises, This deteriorated quickly, This is a bunch of one shots, This is in the fff verse btw, Will probably add on, Wow, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilnerd3696/pseuds/Lilnerd3696
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA Spencer Has Some Really Weird Friends.</p><p> </p><p>'Stiles laughed when Spencer told him. "Did you really think that what we do and how we act is acceptable to others? To people not in the know we look like we're a cult. Or one of those creepy incest families."'</p><p>Basically a shitfic I wrote in like 15 minutes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story set in a world I created when I wanted to know how many of my favorite fictional characters could I make related to each other without making it seem impossible. Well, I'm pretty sure I passed the impossible point a few months back, but here you go! Read my shitfic. Reeeeaaad iiitt.

The thing is, Spencer's not really as awkward as he may seem. It's just hard for him to know where the line between 'socially acceptable' and 'not socially acceptable' is. And if you look at his examples of 'socially acceptable' people while he was growing up, it's no wonder his social skills are a bit, well, _rusty_.

Spencer grew up with a schizophrenic mother and a father who left when he was ten. The other students at his school either bullied or ignored him, and his only friends were Hela and her younger brother Stiles. And while Stiles aged along with Spencer, Hela remained youthful, always looking as though she was fresh out of high school (well, the age that the average person left high school. So 19). And not to seem rude, but Hela and Stiles weren't... normal. At all.

When Spencer was 4, he was obsessed with space and all things related to it. So Hela smiled and broke them into NASA's top secret base. After the entire football team ganged up on him and tied him up naked to the goal post, she smiled again, this time with a predatory tinge to it. The next day, none of the team, or _anyone_ that had taken part of the incident, showed up to school. The day after, they showed up pale faced and jumping at any sudden sounds. Alexa spent the next 59 days of the school term regularly locking herself in the ladies bathroom to cry. And when Hela and Stiles showed up for the first time after Spencer's father left, she taught him how to balance checkbooks, how to defend himself (which she had already been teaching him, but she upped the difficulty), and how to make quick and easy meals. Stiles showed him how to research things properly, despite being 6 years younger than the genius. Stiles also showed him how swing a baseball bat hard enough to break a bone (Spencer already knew this. It was physics after all).

So his friends weren't exactly normal. Spencer knew this, but he didn't know how ' _not normal_ ' they were until he started at the BAU. Thankfully, his lack of knowledge in social norms was attributed to his high intelligence, and Spencer had no problem letting them think that.

Stiles laughed when Spencer told him. "Did you really think that what we do and how we act is acceptable to others? To people not in the know we look like we're a cult. Or one of those creepy incest families."

Spencer snorted. "Probably a cult," he said. Morgan glanced over at him as the older man walked past, an odd look appearing on his face. "We don't look like we're related." Spencer saw JJ walking into Hotch's office, folder in her hands. "Looks like we've got a case," he informed Stiles. "Talk later?"

"Sure thing Einstein. School holidays are coming up, so I might even _see_ you later."

\----------------

"Hello gorgeous."

Morgan inhaled his coffee, and Spencer tried not to laugh. "Hello beautiful," the genius smiled up at his vistor. "Who did you piss off this time?"

Hela pouted, her lips painted a dark red that went nicely with the short, black dress she was wearing. Spencer noted with amusement that nearly the entire bullpen was staring at him and Hela. "What makes you think I pissed anyone off Spence?"

"Because you're at my work," Spencer replied dryly. "While I'm working. And no one can come in here and tell you off without causing a scene, and considering that we're in an FBI office with eight other armed agents beside myself, making a scene wouldn't be a good idea."

Hela perched herself on the edge of Spencer's desk. "Maybe I just wanted to say hi?"

"And maybe Fen wants to give you a back massage so much he promised me blackmail photos on you, Stiles, _and_ Tony. And a bottle of 80 year old wine."

Hela's eyes lit up. "Oooh that really fancy one that he won't let me touch? The one that he said he'd break all the bones in my left hand if I even looked at it funny?" Spencer nodded. Hela grinned at the younger man before swooping in and planting a big kiss on his cheek.

"You can tell him  where i am if I get half," she said before bouncing away, leaving everyone either staring at her ass as she left, or at Spencer, who was grinning and texting 'Fen'. Whoever that was.

\--------------

Rumors flew around the office after that incident. People placed bets on who she was to Spencer, how they meet, and how _the hell did she get past security?_ People also started noticing weird things about the BAU's youngest agent. Like the mysterious phone calls. And the complete strangers who walked up to Spencer and started conversations that didn't make sense. So, of course, people started placing bets on what those were about as well.

The most popular theories were:  
\- he's undercover and from another government agency  
\- he's got 'connections'  
\- he's an alien (which was Lucy's theory originally, but soon everyone working down in the basement level were convinced it was true)

Hotch put a stop to anyone in his team betting on anything, but even he grew suspicious about Spencer after the incident with the pillow fort in his office.


	2. Chapter 2

Hotch stared at Hela.

Hela stared back.

Spencer snuggled into a frightfully bright, neon pink blanket.

Hotch stared at Spencer instead.

"Good morning Agent Hotcher!" Hela beamed at the confused agent from within the blanket fort. She kicked the lump next to her, forcing a groan and a string of swear words out of it. "We weren't expecting you for another hour at least."

The lump shifted, and a head poked out, with hair the same color as the blanket Hotch's youngest agent was cuddling. "What the fuck is your problem Hela?" Hela glanced meanfully at Hotch. The head twisted around, then swore again. The head turned out to be a teenage boy that didn't look that much younger than Spencer (not that that was hard, Hotch mused). "Sorry about the swearing," the boy apologized, not looking sorry at all.

"I don't suppose you'll explain why you're in my office?" Hotch asked. "And why you made a blanket fort in my office?" He eyed the misshapen shamble of blankets that were propped up with several office chairs.

"Well it's quite simple," Hela begun. "Our Einstein here hasn't been sleeping. And he's also been staying really late at the office. We tried to get him to leave, but he kept on saying that he couldn't go home. So we dragged him in here, cause he's technically not home, but he can still sleep."

"Also I figured we'd get in more trouble if we made a blanket fort out in the bullpen," the boy added. "I'm Stiles by the way."

The three of them froze as Spencer stretched his limbs and sleepily opened his eyes. Hotch was vaguely reminded of a cat waking up after a long nap in the sun.

"Morning sleepy head," Hela grinned. She reached out and ruffled the genius' hair, and Spencer batted her hand away. He slowly scanned the room, still half asleep. His eyes roamed over Hotch, then snapped back. A look of horror appeared on the young agents face.

"Hotch!" He squeaked, bolting upright with a bright red face.

Hotch sighed. "You have the day off," he informed Spencer. "Go home and get some more sleep."

Hela and Stiles looked ecstatic. Hela grabbed Spencer's hand and dragged him upright. "Bags not cleaning up!" She shouted, pulling Spencer out of the door. The two of them sprinted through the bullpen and towards the elevators, dodging confused agents. Hotch turned to face Stiles only to find that he was packing up the fort.

"It's not the first time this has happened," he grinned at the older man. Hotch somehow believed him.

"There's an empty office down the hall," he said. "It's rarely used, and no one goes in there but the cleaning staff."

Stiles beamed. "We'll keep that in mind, Agent Hotcher." He shoved the last of the pillows into a duffle bag and carried it out, whistling the Harry Potter theme tune loudly. Hotch shook his head silently before sitting down at his desk. A large pile of paperwork sat there menacingly. He internally groaned, before grabbing the first folder and opening it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEAD CANON TIMES
> 
> Well, canon in my universe. Kinda. Not really. Alaska was a bad time for Spencer.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway this is basically Spencer getting drunk and Morgan and Prentiss going wtf.

It wasn't meant to be a secret. Spencer just... never told anyone.

If someone asked him point blank then he would answer truthfully, but come on. Why would anyone ask him if he was an amputee?

Spencer slowly walked out of the bullpen. In front of him the rest of his team were laughing and talking about a new bar that Morgan had heard about. He'd already declined Prentiss' invitation to join them, claiming that his leg was sore. Which was true, but they assumed that it was sore because it was the leg he'd been shot in, not because his prosthetic was making his stump sore.

By the time he arrived home he was limping and looking forward to a peaceful afternoon of takeaways and rewatching Star Trek episodes. However, as he opened the door to his apartment, he knew that peaceful afternoon was gone.

\---------------------------  
Two hours later and he was drunk enough to consider Stiles' idea. And because Stiles was also drunk, it was a really bad idea. Spencer said as much as they snuck across the roof.

"Nonsense," Hela snorted. "Stiles has awesome ideas. Besides, I've never broken into any F.B.I buildings before."

Spencer stumbled and grabbed Nico's arm for support. His leg ached. "It was Stiles' idea to go to Alaska. And Russia. And look what happened there."

"Yeah, yeah." Stiles rolled his eyes. "When are you going to let that go?"

"When my leg grows back," Spencer said with a serious face. The ragtag group was dead silent for a few seconds, until Spencer started giggling. Hela and Stiles joined him, and soon they were laughing on the ground. Nice, the least drunk of them, looked disappointed. Well, tried to look disappointed.

"Come on guys," Stiles choked out. "Not all of my ideas are bad. Remember when I suggested we go to Fiji? We got to go on an actual treasure hunt!" No one could really argue with that. Spencer still had a few gold dubloons locked away in his room.

Nico pulled Spencer to his feet as Hela and Stiles clambered to theirs. Hela started off towards Spencer's work, only slight stumbles betraying the fact that she'd consumed most of the vodka she'd bought. And most of the tequila. She had an extremely high alcohol tolerance.

They staggered and tripped over rooftops and up and down fire escapes until they found themselves on the top of the F.B.I Headquarters. Nico pried off the grate that covered one of the vents. Siles was chatting to Jarvis on his phone, and Hela looked proud of her band of law breaking misfits.

Spencer rubbed his leg and shivered as a cold breeze whipped around him. "I would like to point out that this is a bad idea," he grumbled. Rolling her eyes, Hela pulled a half finished bottle of tequila out from somewhere under her trench coat and shoved it at him. He took it, not even questioning how the bottle fit in there. He'd seen her pull worse and larger things from that coat.

"Drink up you whiner," she grinned, before turning to Stiles. "Blueprints?" He tilted the screen of his phone towards her. The bright light caused her to squint and bat the phone away. "Whatever. We'll just wing it or some shit."

Spencer gulped down a few mouthfuls of the tequila. He could feel the alcohol spreading through his body; warming him up from his fingers to his toes. Screwing the lid back on with clumsy fingers, he grinned.

"Let's go."

\---------------------------------  
Spencer woke up to someone pounding on his door and a pounding headache. It felt like something had shit in his mouth and then tap danced on his back. The person banging on the door stopped long enough for Spencer to sigh in relief. When it started again he cringed and curled up, trying to tunnel deeper into the couch.

"What the _fuck_ ," someone to his right groaned. He heard blankets rustle before someone staggered over to the front door.

"What?" Nico growled as he yanked the door open. Spencer couldn't hear the response very clearly, just muffled sounds that vaguely resembled words. He curled up tighter, moving his arm so it rested over his face, as if it would help his headche.

He heard people walk into his apartment and someone (he assumed it was Nico) shut the door.

"Spencer," Nico called out quietly. "You have guests."

The genius whined and made shooing motions in Nico's general direction. Well, what he hoped was Nico's general direction.

"Reid?"

Shit is that Morgan? Spencer jerked in shock and tore open his eyes. He saw three human shaped blobs before the light got too painful and he shut his eyes. Somewhere in the room Hela began to giggle.

"What do you want?" Spencer tried to say. Given that he'd just shoved his face into the couch cushions, it probably didn't sound anything like what he'd intended it to sound like. Hela started laughing harder. He resisted the urge to pull the finger at her.

"There was a break in at work," Morgan said. "Hotch sent me and Prentiss to make sure you were okay, since you weren't answering your phone."

"A break in?" Spencer cursed Hela for sounding so interested. "What did they do?"

"They hacked into the servers and reprogrammed all of the computers to continuously play 'What's New Pussycat?'" Prentiss replied. "Also one of them left behind their prosthetic leg in Hotch's office."

 _Their leg?_ Spencer mused. _Why would someone leave their leg behind..._ He froze. His leg didn't hurt anymore. There wasn't any pressure on his stump. Cracking open an eyelid, he squinted down at his legs. The dreaded neon pink blanket covered the lower half of his body.

"Reid? You okay kid?" Morgan sounded worried. Hela cackled gleefully at what was going on. Spencer really hated her sometimes.

"Just checking," he slurred. Lifting the blanket up, he peered down at his legs. All one and a half of them. He nodded to himself.

"Hela." The world tilted as Spencer pushed himself upright. "I'm not drunk enough for this. Where's the rest of the vodka?" Morgan and Prentiss made near identical noises of concern as he swayed and steadied himself using the back of the couch.

"I drank it."

Spencer felt like crying.

"I'm pretty sure there's still some tequila left though."

"I left it at Headquarters," he sighed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Along with my leg."

Hela and Nico burst out laughing at the pout on the genius' face. Morgan and Prentiss, however, looked confused. And worried. Really worried.

"Pretty Boy-" Morgan started to speak, but stopped abruptly when Spencer shoved the pink blanket off his legs.

He was still wearing the same clothes as he had left work in last night. Of course, they were more rumpled, and his left shoe and sock were still on his prosthetic (which, he supposed, was back at Hotch's office). Because of his pants, no one could see his stump. Although, the sight of his bottom left trouser leg flapping around seemed to be freaking his teammates out enough.

Nico shoved a hot cup of coffee into Spencer's hands, and he gulped it down eagerly. It wasn't alcohol, but it would do. Hela plopped down on the couch next to him. She swung her legs onto Spencer's lap and sipped on her own cup of coffee.

Suddenly Spencer realized something. A quick glance around the room told him nothing.

"Where's Stiles?" He asked. Hela seemed unconcerned.

"Probably passed out in the vents with an empty bottle of tequila," Hela mused.

"Wait a moment." Morgan raised his hands in the universal 'hold the fuck up' gesture. " _You guys_ broke in and hacked the servers?"

Nico scoffed. "Like it was _hard_. Although it wasn't as easy as getting onto SHIELDS Helicarrier." Hela nodded in agreement. Spencer drank the rest of his coffee and said nothing; he hadn't been on that adventure.

Nico walked into Spencer's bedroom, leaving him and Hela to Morgan and Prentiss' questions.

"Why?" Was all Prentiss could ask.

"It was Stiles' idea," Spencer grumbled. "And they gave me vodka. And tequila."

Their conversation was cut short as Spencer was almost hit in the face by a flying prosthetic leg. If Hela hadn't of caught it, he would've been nursing a black eye as well as a headache. He took his spare leg from her and started to put it on.

"How did you lose your _leg_?" Hela asked. "I mean, it's _attached_ to you. It's like me leaving behind my arm."

"Can you detach your arm?"

"If you give me something sharp, sure."

Morgan and Prentiss looked horrified. Spencer decided to take pity on them. He clicked his leg into place and pushed himself to his feet.

"Come on." He limped towards the door. Hela looked disgruntled and slouched on the couch.

"But I don't want to go back," she whined. She pouted, making her look like grumpy toddler. "I don't see why I have to go. You're the one who left his leg behind."

"No, you didn't leave your leg behind. You left your _brother_ behind. And you'll be the one explaining to Derek and the Sheriff why if you don't come with me."

Hela scowled. "Well I'm not going with you if you're only wearing one shoe."

Spencer looked down and saw that she was right. While his right shoe was still on from yesterday, his left shoe was still on the prosthetic leg he left at work. He sighed and trudged towards his bedroom. As he left the room, he heard Hela begin to ruthlessly question Morgan and Prentiss, asking about embarrassing stories on Spencer.

_Fucking vodka._


End file.
